Let Love Win

The 5 Love Languages have been ever so present in my life lately. They came into play in my life when my husband and I got married. It was what we studied for our premarital counseling. I used them in my counseling practice, and, recently, they were talked about in regards to raising our children at MOPS. We also just talked about them at our marriage event at our church. So since they keep popping up in my life, I thought I would share with you some things I have learned while studying The 5 Love Languages. 

First,  I will start by explaining the Love Languages. You can get an idea of what yours might be by thinking about these questions. Do you like receiving love notes from your significant other or love when other people compliment you or your work? Do you love receiving hugs? Do you enjoy spending time with your spouse or others? Do you like it when your significant other helps out around the house or others help you when you need it? Do you like receiving gifts from others to remind you that they care about you or show you that they love you? Depending on the way you answer these questions, it could determine what your love language is.

The 5 Love Languages are Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Receiving Gifts.

If your Love Language is words of affirmation you lost certainly love when people build you up and compliment you. You love when others let you know you are doing a good job and encourage you. You like when people say nice things to you and to others. But what if your spouse’s, or your child’s, Love Language is words of affirmation? You could write them notes to let them know you love them. Most importantly, make sure you are complimenting them and encouraging them with your words. Furthermore, criticizing them breaks them down and hurts them more than anything else. So watch your words and keep them positive.

Those whose Love Language is physical touch obviously need lots of touching, but what exactly does that mean? They need to hugged, patted and kissed. They need to be snuggled on the couch or their feet rubbed. There are many ways to show someone you love them through touch. However, neglecting to touch them makes them feel unwanted and unloved. The most damaging thing that could happen to a person whose Love Language is physical touch is to neglect to touch them. So make sure you are learning how to touch your spouse, outside of sexual intercourse.

Someone who feels love through quality time needs to be around other people. Being apart from others for long periods of time is crushing to someone who loves by spending time with others. Spending time with your spouse who feels love in this way is super important.

Those whose Love Language is acts of service love to hear others say, “I will do it!” It is like music to their ears! They love to see people show their love through actions by helping them do something. They also love to hear others say, “What else can I help you with?” This love action could be helping your spouse with household chores or repairs that need to be made. Showing kindness through actions is the way these individuals feel loved. If you spouse feels love in this way, make sure you are helping around the house and fulfilling that “Honey Do List”!

Gift giving is not just for special occasions. For people who feel appreciated by getting gifts it is imperative that you give them gifts even when their is no occasion to do so. Gift giving can be simple and practical. It doesn’t have to be extravagant or expensive; it just needs to be something. Something as simple as a note or flowers will work just fine. However, remember not to forget those special occasions because those are still important to the person who loves receiving gifts too!

The important fact to all of this information is to learn what you spouse needs. Does your spouse need to be uplifted, someone he knows will brighten his day with her words, being publicly affirmed, someone who will say how much she loves him or is he someone that just needs to hold hands or be hugged regularly? Does your spouse need to spend time with you or does she need to snuggle on the couch while you watch a movie? Does he need to be praised as a leader or spend time talking about his day? Does she need to lie in the bed and talk or just have her feet rubbed? Take time to figure out how your spouse feels most loved. Figure out what are the 5 most important needs for your spouse, and, then, start doing them.

There are many ways you can do this. Ask you spouse how you can help them. Send them a texts throughout the day to tell them how much you love them. Don’t tell them their ideas are stupid. Kiss for 10 seconds. Hug your spouse often. Unplug from your phone, computer or television to spend time with your spouse. Make sure to kiss your spouse when you wake up in the morning and before you go to bed at night. Leave your spouse a note in their lunchbox, briefcase or car. Tell your spouse how much you love him or her. Bake together. There are a plethora of ways to show your spouse love.

The best advice I can give you concerning this topic, is to find out what your spouse needs in order to feel loved and do those things. Once you start, it is actually quite simple.

Finally, and most importantly, seek God in your marriage and let Him bless it richly!

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